I don’t know how…

I don’t know how it’s come to this,
Standing on the this precipice,
above the nihilistic abyss.

Memories decayed to dust at dusk
we rust in the darkest hours until husks we become

So I’m stuck
heaving,
howling,
hurting.

Drifting in pools of tears from years of yearning
icebergs cracked by silent lightning
drifting apart like the same blood never flows twice
am I a clot so far from your heart?
congealed in surreal absence unhealed in abstinence
leading only one fate should I reach your core:
death?

In the darkness,
the daunting uncertain maze,
I thought sleep was my only friend,
but then I met a shadow man
ever constant
behind me
beside me
before me
a peer of perseverance in adversity
a hand to hold
a love to know
a new vocabulary for an illiterate heart
in darkness we illuminated one another
with kisses of koinonia kindling
a to-and-fro throw of cutting and healing
pushing and feeling
hushed and kneeling before Him

and where is he now?

Falling from this precipice,
above the nihilistic abyss,
my hand held out for him to miss,
I don’t know how it’s come to this…

a daughter’s musing

Refusing the musing is fatal

Body and soul synergy

Articulating ‘trilogy’

A cycle of love energy

Exploding fragments of existence

In harmonious reunion forming

Molecular me

Unlocking regeneration of generations

A new inheritance

Replacement penitence

Obtain the name

And beat the same rhythm as He does

Soaking in amniotic pool of divinity

Tessellating trinity

Neurological fertility

Refusing the musing is fatal

eclipse

What became of the words

That fell from the sun into her hands

Fifty colours like fifty thousand prisms

Raining rainbows around her wretchedness?

 

She stumbled through puddles of delight

And skipped with her heartbeat in a skipping rope

They ate sweets and played games like they were children

She had never been a child before

But she felt as though she’d known him

When hands were little and dreams were enormous

And the years together had weathered them to form ‘us’

When nothing in the world felt quite as wonderful

As catching his words, the colours from the sun.

 

The moon around the earth did roam

For many years the sun she did not meet

But time was kind to them and soon

A moment came so rare a greeting

Her soft circumference swooped across his path

He held his moon before him then

And they belonged

Seeing nothing but each other

As she reflected the warmth

and the colour

that fell from the sun.

 

But now below the grass isn’t green anymore

And sitting alone there with eyes to the floor

Is the girl with broken skipping rope

No colour and no hope

To ever match the wonder of the moon…

Faded maroon fills the room with failure

She taps the glass half empty

(because you didn’t like hot drinks)

And she thinks about the colours that your rooms will not be painted

The ivory will never be, now every word is tainted

The only blue’s that seem to match

Is the colour of her bruises and the pill she tries to swallow

To hollow out the lump inside her throat

She gulps it down and looks above

In love the sun and moon as one

A dance of colour that none below can witness

And only shades of grey are left to swim through

The girl, no more a child to play

Is cold in heart and lips to pray

And colder and older she grows in time

And dreams of rainbows raining around her wretchedness

As there in the fog and in the mist

She longs for the colours behind the eclipse.